A Loud, Lovable Lady

Peg Bundy, a loud beautiful lady.
Chelsea Fagan feels marginalized as a loud and proud lady. I point to Mrs. Bundy as our Queen.

This entry is in response to the article No One Will Love a Loud Girl by Chelsea Fagan posted today in Thought Catalog.

As a “Loud Girl,” myself I do not support this article. It is backwards and self pitying and doesn’t take into account that some people don’t like it when anyone is loud and aggressive no matter what’s going on (or not) between his or her legs. Some people are just plain offended by that sort of behavior. And that’s OK. It is true that there does exist people who will tolerate that behavior  from a man and not a woman but, frankly, that is mostly the territory of degenerate idiots.

The author either  ignores the possibility that some women are just like that independent of male society, or is unaware that it exists.  It appears to be the opinion of the author that all women are loud fiery hell cats on the inside and the evil men of our society are squashing us into sad, demure and frail little things. Furthermore, those same men are  punishing any who disobey by denying them the one thing that all women, strong or weak, truly want: love. The article is insulting to loud women,  quiet women, in between women and most men.

I appreciate the argument that I (think) Ms. Fagan is trying to make–that women should be loud and proud and not let men/society/the media keep us down–but the effect is a pathetic attempt at ire that made me think she’d been on one too many failed OK Cupid dates where she realized her natural wit and charm were overshadowed by every man’s desire to be with a woman he can control. Or something…

I have been loud, have spoken my mind and at times been abrasive, for my entire speaking life and while I have been chastised for my volume (especially in libraries and movie theaters, sorry fellow patrons) I have never been told my behavior is too “manly,” or if I did it left so little of an impression on me that I instantly forgot about it. If you are the kind of woman who speaks her mind and is her own person, then that’s who you are and you do you and you don’t give a shit (hey look! I cursed!) about whether it’s upsetting the status quo or throwing anyone’s delicate ideas of womanhood into a tizzy. Because that’s who you are. But if you’re not, then you’re not. And that’s okay.

In the article, the author complains about how she, a self proclaimed loud woman, is treated poorly by society because of her personality. She discusses how women are often pressured into being demur and genteel.

But for normal girls, girls who just happen to be loud and like bathroom humor and cursing and don’t see any of this as particularly incongruous with the concept of being a desirable woman, it can often feel as though, in order to find love or acceptance, part of you will have to be muted — or at least strongly dulled.

First of all, normal girls? Is it abnormal to be naturally quiet? Second of all, who are these strong, loud, brash woman who want love so badly they feel the need to mute their personalities and natural inclinations? What strange Rush Limbaugh America are they living in? I don’t think the potential suitor is given enough credit here. I know plenty of women-desiring  people(ie straight men, lesbians and bisexuals) who *gasp* prefer a woman who speaks her mind. Who are bored by subservient, bashful women. Ms Fagan has met some of these people as well it seems and goes on to say,

Of course, with time, I discovered that there are people who enjoy women who speak their mind and make their presence known. …[But] [f]or every person that loves you when you are at 100 percent, there will be two who tell you you shouldn’t talk so loud or say that word.

That, it seems to me, is life. You can’t please all of the people all of the time etc etc.  I was fortunate to have loving and attentive parents who allowed my “normal girl” behavior (as Ms. Fagan would classify it) to blossom and grow and because of that I am comfortable in my own skin. I have no problem speaking my mind and making myself be heard. I am proud of who I am and that I am a woman. I realize this is not the case for everyone, but what I think we should preaching is not that every woman needs to be loud and abrasive no matter what anyone thinks, but that every person needs to be true to themselves (loud or quiet, genteel or abrasive) no matter what anyone  thinks.

Lastly, Ms. Fagan objects to Mila Kunis and Zooey Deschanel as poster girls for “[women] who [are] intellectually nimble, who mak[e] jokes and kee[p] up with the boys in a way that challenges them.” because, among other reasons, they are “stunningly beautiful and thin.”  However, she concludes her article with the desire for a beautiful female role model with a potty mouth. Apparently, whether you’re delicate or raw, it’s still better if you’re pretty.

So I object to this article. I object to these classifications and I object to her speaking for me. My voice is not Chelsea Fagan’s. I am a loud woman, I have a voice and I am proud to say it is my own.

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