5 reasons you should totally be shaving with Olive Oil

If, like me,  you are a human being who shaves his/her/their legs/armpits/pubes/other you should throw out whatever foam, cream or gel you’re using and immediately switch to Olive Oil. I did it about 4 weeks ago and it’s the best and I am never going back and here’s why:

1. It works sooooo well. My legs are so damn smooth you have no idea. I have sensitive skim plagued by eczema and most shaving creams just made it worse. Even if you have normal leg skin, shaving products will dry you out and you’ll need to moisturize afterwards, right? Not if you use olive oil, hunny! Cause guess what, your legs are already so moisturized and slick from your shave.

2. It’s cheaper. A casual perusal of Amazon and Walgreens puts Skintimate shave gel between $.50 and $.98 per oz where as Olive oil is as low as $.34 per oz! Even some of the fancier ones that look like classy perfume only run $.41/oz. And you’re going to use that olive oil for so much else right? Economics!

3. Speaking of economics, in case you haven’t been paying attention, Greece is in a free fall, financially speaking. They got no monies. While their biggest income generator is by far tourism, we can’t all drop everything and head down to Mykonos to work on our tans right now, OK? But you know what we can do? Buy olive oil imported from, you guessed it, Greece.

4. Fuck. The. Woman. Tax. Listen, we’ve known for a while now that identical products (shaving products, deodorant, soap, shampoo etc) are priced higher for women than for men. There’s no reason for this other than things like the patriarchy and because they can (a man is much more likely to forgo purchasing a grooming product altogether because it’s too costly price or buy a cheaper (both in quality and in price) alternative because society doesn’t repeatedly tell him his value is based on his physical appearance). On the one hand, you could just buy men’s products (because they work just as well and cost less) or you can say Fuck You altogether and remove yourself, since most brands separate their products by gender and will get your dime no matter what.

5. You’ll smell like a salad. Ok maybe that’s not a perk but let’s face it, a lot of the shaving products out there (especially the ones for women) include olive extract, essential oils or something similar. You’re already using this stuff – in a weird sciency way I guess, kinda, it’s just been dressed up with colors and scents and aerosol cans (which are not great for the environment). You don’t need all that.

You don’t need to shave your legs either. You’re beautiful and perfect in all your hairy splendor. But if you CHOOSE to shave your legs, as I do, I highly recommend switching to Olive Oil. You probably have some in your kitchen already. If you hate it, you can always go back.

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Legz!

Last weekend I went to an honest to god park. I overheard a woman say people aren’t being cynical enough. I ran into 4 people I know. It’s like cavemen being unearthed from the ice. Let’s face it people: Spring is Here.

And this is a good thing. Winter was fucking awful this year. Like, just terrible. Everyone’s Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) got cranked up to 11. Maudlin, morose, melancholy. These are all words I would use to describe every single fucking awful day of 2015 until last week when the skies parted and warmth rained down.

That first warm weekend took me by surprise and after making last minute plans for drinks I stood in front of my closet scanned my clothes and asked myself the eternal question: what do I wear? As miserable as winter had been at least then the answer to that question had been relatively easy. Wear as many layers as humanly possible. But that would not fly on this lovely 70 degree day.

I looked at a white cotton dress (versatile enough to get to stay in my closet all year, can easily be used in fall and milder parts of the winter) and felt the soft fabric between my finger tips. I took it out of the closet and held it against my body for inspection in front of the full length mirror. It was then that I realized I hadn’t shaved my legs, and wouldn’t have time before the drinking was meant to commence. So I asked myself the same question I always ask when winter turns to spring: Do I shave this year? Continue reading

I want to design an app.

I had a great idea for an app last night but I am not a programmer so I need some assistance.

iPhone Apps

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s the (admittedly white-girl-problems sounding) foundation of my idea. The seedling if you will. I recently bought eyeliner and I don’t like it.

I wish to ensure this doesn’t happen again, or at the very least I don’t waste another eight bucks on the exact eyeliner I already bought because I forget whatever weird name Maybeline gave to it. So my idea for an app is called Like/Dislike and you’d be able to scan barcodes, or browse for products or manually type in names and add it to your profile as a like or dislike. That way when you go to the store you can look up the product to see if you have already tried it and what you thought of it.

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A Loud, Lovable Lady

Peg Bundy, a loud beautiful lady.
Chelsea Fagan feels marginalized as a loud and proud lady. I point to Mrs. Bundy as our Queen.

This entry is in response to the article No One Will Love a Loud Girl by Chelsea Fagan posted today in Thought Catalog.

As a “Loud Girl,” myself I do not support this article. It is backwards and self pitying and doesn’t take into account that some people don’t like it when anyone is loud and aggressive no matter what’s going on (or not) between his or her legs. Some people are just plain offended by that sort of behavior. And that’s OK. It is true that there does exist people who will tolerate that behavior  from a man and not a woman but, frankly, that is mostly the territory of degenerate idiots.

The author either  ignores the possibility that some women are just like that independent of male society, or is unaware that it exists.  It appears to be the opinion of the author that all women are loud fiery hell cats on the inside and the evil men of our society are squashing us into sad, demure and frail little things. Furthermore, those same men are  punishing any who disobey by denying them the one thing that all women, strong or weak, truly want: love. The article is insulting to loud women,  quiet women, in between women and most men.

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